I am a guy-girl. What this means is that I am a girl but I am not very 'feminine' in the conventional sense. I am not meek or mild. I lack grace or finesse. I am also lacking certain delicate sensibilities that my girl-girl counterpart might possess. What does that mean for me? When I am in a setting with girl-girls I have trouble relating to them sometimes. I can't find any interest in talking about girly things like makeup or clothes. I once sat with a woman who talked for 30 minutes about a new sports bra she bought. Not too far into the conversation, I found myself grasping at the strings of consciousness as my mind drifted slowly into the abyss.
When I am with men I find it a bit tricky too. Men are used to girl-girls. They are comfortable around them and know what to expect. They can open doors, kill spiders and protect them from ne'er-do-wells lurking around dark corners. I am more of an 'I can dot it myself' type person. I don't need anyone to treat me like a delicate flower about to wilt at the slightest sign of trouble. When I engage in conversation I like to be treated as equal and I do the same for others. I don't concern myself with my femininity when I speak. I want to be considered a PERSON first and not a woman. Don't spare my delicate sensibilities and tip toe around me. I am a strong person. I am not an orchid.
I am also not very good at flirting. The whole batting the eyes thing and playing coy doesn't work so much for me. I prefer to be who I am and strike up a good conversation and see where it goes. Besides, I could have batted my eye right in my husband's face and he would never have noticed. I suppose for his sake it's a good thing I am not a girl-girl or we would not have made it to a first date.
It's not to say I don't respect my girl-girl friends. I have a few of them and I find them interesting to observe in public and around men but sometimes I find it difficult to relate to them. For me, it's like watching a movie like 'Legally Blonde' and all those sorority sisters are giggling and talking and carrying on. I just stand by eating popcorn and wonder 'What the hell are they talking about?' I appreciate the fact that my girl-girl friends have found a sense of 'sisterhood'. I just can't seem to understand it.
That being said, I have many guy-girl friends that I am completely comfortable with. They are strong independent women with minds and opinions. They are not afraid to take the world head on and make no apologies. They are proud of their inner strength, their abilities and their accomplishments and they don't play those down for anyone. I respect these women and I am proud to call them my friends.
Now for the guy-guys. My husband is a guy-guy to the core. He is strong and masculine. He is a woodworker and can fix stuff. He watches NASCAR. What more can I say. I don't know about killing spiders, and he doesn't hold the door for me, but that's because he knows I can do it myself. At times when a man holds the door for me or pays for dinner I feel diminished somehow. Like I need to be kept. If they are going through the door anyway - and just stop it from slamming in my face - that's a different story. But when he intentionally steps forward, puffs out his chest and swings open the door like a parade is about to march by...that's a little much.
Next is girl-guys. I have been known to be attracted to this variation quite often. They are usually intelligent, sensitive, great conversationalists and great friends. They are good at all things cerebral. But if you need something repaired - do not ask a girl-guy. He will simply pick up the yellow pages and 'call' someone to do the job for you.
I suppose that what I am saying is there are all sorts of feminine and masculine out there and we don't all need to fit into one particular category. Yes there are times when I wish I was more of a girl-girl. I wish I could be seen as ethereal and delicate and graceful but I know that will never happen. I also know that if I had to trade in who I am now to get that wish, I would not. I am proud of my strength regardless of who I may emasculate in the process (sorry boys).
So the next time I say or do something that is not very feminine just remember, I am not defined by my 'sex' but by my personality and my spirit. I don't wish to be judged based on criteria set out by an archaic patriarchal society that no longer holds credence in how women should behave. I am not just 'woman', I am me...YVONNE...hear me roar!
No comments:
Post a Comment