THAT'S IT - WE'RE LEAVING...WITH OUR STUFF!

While I was taking a break and eating my chicken noodle soup, I caught about an hour of the movie 'Confessions of a Shopaholic'. Needless to say I could relate to some of what the main character was saying even though my appeal does not tend to be Gucci or Parada but other 'stuff' that I really don't need. At one point in the film, the main character attends a 'shopaholics anonymous' meeting. The leader of the group says to the others 'You have been spending your money on things that you think you need. Why not give away those things you don't' need for no money at all'. Of course I am paraphrasing but still - What a refreshing change of attitude.

In the past I have been known to buy far too much for my children. I find that I can make excuses to go overboard with them because it is not for me. When I look through my kids clothes I see 10 pairs of jeans, most of which my daughter refuses to wear, skirts that never leave the drawer and dresses that have never seen the light of day. I realize that they could do with about half of what they currently have if not less.

I think a lot of this started when I lived in Hamilton. Most of the kids on our street had everything. Every time my daughter would go to a friend's house she would tell me all about the clothes they had and the toys and I always felt somehow I had to compete with that. The people on my street were always competing and not just with our children. It was all about who had a hot tub, a new pool, who was doing renovations, whose lawn was the greenest, who had the nicest car, the list goes on and on. Before I moved to this street I wasn't that person, but the minute I moved into that house in Hamilton everything changed.

I felt like my entire life was being judged. From my home to my children, what activities we did, my clothing, my weight. It was like living under a microscope. And the longer I lived there the worse it got. I was so desperate for my neighbours to like me I played their game too - I wanted them to like me after all. But that never really happened. I recall trying to talk about current events or relevant goings on in Parent Council and the neighbours would change the subject to what was on sale at the grocery store or what new clothes were at Children's Place. I just couldn't relate to them.

So after 5 years my husband and I agreed we had had enough, packed our things and moved back to Brantford. We wanted to make being close to family and loved ones a priority. To tell the truth I needed my family. I felt alone and secluded and I needed the people who loved me by my side. So here we are.

Since we moved back I have reconnected with some of my old friends who have been my saving grace. I can honestly say that they love me for me and I feel the same way about them. I didn't realize how rare a gift this was until I left my old neighbourhood. Even the new friends I have made here make me feel safe and secure and appreciated. Perhaps this is why I am on the journey for my authentic self - because I am surrounded by authentic friends to support me along the way.

I am still battling the urge to spend, spend, spend but I am winning it. I just keep reminding myself that no matter how much I buy those posessions will not make me 'feel' complete. Yes there is a temporary high when you purchase a new item. There is the joy I get from giving it to my daughter as she smiles and tries it on. But then there is the guilt that I feel for spending money on something we could have gone without. I feel even worse when I see other children who don't have enough clothes to get through the week and come to school filthy everyday.

It is because of all of these reasons that I have decided to have a mom-to-mom clothing night. I am going to donate my children's extra clothes that they clearly don't need to someone who does need it. There are many families in my neighbourhood that go without every day and if I can help in any way I will. Hopefully through this exercise I can cleanse some of the guilt I feel about my participation in this spending fiasco because I realize I am not innocent either. I was actively participating in keeping up with the Jones' so I should not be excused. I just hope I can be forgiven...not by anyone but me.

GULP...ARE YOU SURE YOU USED A CALCULATOR?

On Tuesday evening my husband and I had an appointment with a financial consultant of sorts. It was at this appointment we would discuss our current debt load and potential solutions to ensure our 'financial survival' sort to speak.

We both felt trepidation to say the least. Up to the minute we walked into the gentleman's office the tension was palpable. We discussed the meeting, what we had to bring and information we had to share but still we were not prepared with the emotion that was involved in such a venture.

As soon as I heard this man talk I knew that he understood what he was talking about. He was thorough and precise in communicating all of the information required. We sat and listened to him feeling more and more at ease with him. Even as we disclosed all of our finances - a moment we were both dreading - he listened patiently, nodded thoughtfully and showed no sign of judgement of us or our finances which I feel we both were expecting to some degree.

At the end of our appointment the consultant gave us a short list of tasks we were to accomplish for the coming weeks in order to proceed to the next step. I was to do my 2009 business taxes, prepare a list of our assets and make a list of total debt as well as make a budget.

When we went into the appointment we had a rough number of our debt in mind but yesterday my husband and I decided to sit down and fill out a spreadsheet with more accurate numbers so we could be sure. After putting in all of the figures we were shocked to discover our overall debt was actually 50% higher...gulp!

As devastating as this news was we were still able to keep it in perspective-ish (I will admit I lashed out a bit which I regret now - I love you honey;)). My husband and I decided to grab the dogs and the kid (Rhea was at a friends) and get the heck out of Dodge. We went for a LONG walk and tried to let it all go.

Needless to say by the end we were winded and relieved and found something to laugh about other than being hopeless with money. We just have to keep reminding ourselves that despite our current dilemma we sill have each other and our children and in the end as long as we have that nothing else matters...

But the most important thing I have learned is that communication is key. Even if we were not clear enough with each other about debt as it was growing at least we can say that we openly discuss it now. I can honestly say that my relationship with my husband has grown and will continue to grow because we communicate. And regardless of what life throws at us we need to always remember that there is a way out of it if we work together.

SUNSHINE, LOLIPOPS & RAINBOWS

My youngest daughter Delaney asked when I am going to blog about her. Well naturally I said today so here we go.

Delaney was born on Rememberance Day in 2004. When the nurse sat her up in the bassinette her cheeks literally puddled onto her little chest. I replied 'I gave birth to Buddha'. I was very drugged up and hemorrhaging at the time so my response was not quite typical although it turns out, extremely accurate.

Right away D proved to be a quiet and content baby. She slept through the night by 2 months and even during that time she only woke up once or twice for feeding. She loved her sleep. She was always content just cuddling with mommy or daddy. I don't recall her even playing strange with anyone but of course my view is slightly distorted - I am her mother after all.


Delaney was a shy little girl from a very young age. She does not like to talk to strangers and makes no exceptions. She has always hid behind my legs when someone new approaches. But once she gets to know you another child emerges. She is talkatvie and energetic and bounces off the walls with excitement. She loves her friends and family and enjoys spending time with both.

D also has a reputation for her spontanious, unintentional humour. A few weeks ago my husband and I decided it was okay for my eldest daughter to stay home while we shopped for groceries. As we were getting our shoes on Delaney looked at us and said 'Are we seriously doing this?'. This may not seem funny but coming from a 5 year old with a lisp it is hilarious. Once, after racing my mother to the door she looked up and said 'you don't run much do you ma?'. She had my mother in tears laughing. 'No Delaney' my mom replied 'I don't'.

Over the years we have put Delaney in dance, soccer and this year baseball. It is sometimes difficult for her to start a new activity but once she is comfortable she finds a love for everything she tries. In soccer she loves to run, in dance she loves to move to the music and who knows what baseball will bring out in her. Hopefully it isn't just picking daisies in the outfield.

Ultimately Delaney is my dose of daily joy. My favourite moment of the day is when she wakes up and calls my name. I go in and she puts her arms around my neck and smiles and that's all it takes. I am blissful. She is sunshine in human form and I don't know what I would do without her. I am enjoying watching her grow as a person and am excited for the life she has ahead of her. Thank you Delaney for your love, your warmth, your humour, your boundless energy and your easy going nature. I know that this family would not be the same if you had not come into our lives. I love you little D.

MY OWN LITTLE SAINT RHEA

In an effort to reduce monthly costs my husband and I decided to pull our 5 year old daughter from daycare. The move has saved us $300 a month. On the days that my children are in school I pick them up and my oldest daughter entertains my 5 year old.. I continue to work while my children are at home which has proven to be a challenge but definietly worth the effort. My mother helps out when she can which allows me to get more work done but the real hero in this story is my eldest daughter Rhea. Without her help none of this would be possible.

Everyday Rhea comes home from school and helps me watch and entertain her younger sister. It may seem like an easy task but I know from personal experience that Delaney is a very 'hands on' experience. She is a great kid but she does not like to be left idol for too long and gets bored without someone to play with (like most kids her age). So Rhea balances her homework time with play time and does it with ease. She is always kind and patient but also makes it clear to Delaney that there are rules and limits to her demands.

All of this comes from Rhea's kind disposition. Even as a baby she busied herself by ensuring the happiness of the other infants. If a soother managed to pop out she would crawl over and pop it back in (sometimes it was more of a shove but the intention was there). As a toddler the sound of a baby crying caused her great concern. She would point in the general direction and say 'baby cry' and start walking towards the wailing, wanting to try to calm them.

Making friends for Rhea has always been easy because she is so loving and accepting of everyone she meets. She does not judge or hesitate, she embraces people as they are and makes extra efforts to make people feel welcome. She always sees the good in her classmates and friends no matter what the situation. I sometimes want to tell her 'not everyone has the best intentions' but I so admire her pure heart I don't want to spoil her.

Rhea has always been able to adapt to any situation. She loved daycare and never fussed, she loves school even more, she joins in extra-curricular activities a without a second thought and she continues to press forward in life without hesitation.

Rhea is a remarkable young woman. Even now I have tears in my eyes when I think about how blessed I am to have such a wonderful daughter. Everyday she inspires me to be more adventurous in my persuits, kinder with my words and patient with others. Thank you Rhea for everything you do not just for your family but for everyone who is fortunate enough to have you in their lives.