So once again I am going to complain about being broke. For good measure I am going to examine how being broke effects my eating. I know what you're thinking 'oh great here she goes again. Trust me this is interesting. I'll even talk a bit about my life growing up. Not too much mind you. I am saving that for when we get to know each other better. I don't want to scare you off after only our second week of blog dating:)
I was raised by my mother the Great Heather M. She worked her but off to put a roof over our head, clothes on our back and food on the table. It was hard. She worked 2 jobs at one time AND went back to school to become a Health Care Aid. I am very proud of my mother. Still it was very difficult to raise 2 teenage girls with no financial support and low wage jobs so there were times we went without. We never were without food or shelter but there were many times we had to make due with what we had.
Most days we ate pre-packaged food because that was all we could afford. We ate things like Kraft Dinner, Chicken cutlets, and other food that was packaged on styrofoam trays (which I now have an aversion to). I even remember trying to make spaghetti sauce out of ketchup. My sister can appreciate just how disguisting this was.
I can say I learned to be creative in the kitchen...but I also developed some very bad eating habits.
I always felt like I had to eat what was in the fridge while it was there. I knew it wasn't going to go bad but I was afraid there wouldn't be enough later. I'm not certain if this was some sort of primal misguided survival instinct but this is the reaction I chose. I think to a certain degree I still have this bizarre behaviour. There is a certain anxiety I feel around food and that there may be a lack of it. I know a friend of mine who was quite poor growing up. Now she has a need to pack her fridge and I mean PACK! You cannot see the back for food and every spare inch of her storage is filled with paper towell, toilet paper and feminie products. If there is ever an apocalypse I know the safest place to be is this woman's cold cellar cuz DAMN it is choc full O goodness!
When the cupboards are looking a bit sparse in our house I feel tense. I suppose I am afraid the next time I open it there may be nothing. I get tense and anxious which is similar to what I felt in high school and as a result I eat. To add to the problem I feel this tension more than just over food. This tension happens when there is little money, when I can't have something I want, when I have a deadline I am afraid I won't make...in all of these situations I eat.
I know that this all seems a bit far fetched but really it just comes down to feelings. Tension causes panic, causes overeating. This is just another que I have to be aware of next time I am in any of these situations. I guess it helps to be mindful of it now so next time we only have one slice of bread or one piece of bacon I don't get the urge to snatch it up in my greedy paws and devour it like a starving T-Rex. It's in these moments I need to be more aware of my physical self and say 'you're not hungry crazy woman. Step away from the fridge'.
Thanks again for listening everyone!
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