Since I was a young girl I loved Garfield. He was fat and furry, he loved lasagna and did very little physical activity. I could relate to him. One of my favourite images of garfield was on a sticker I received when I was 8 years old. It said 'Dieting is Die with a 'T'. That just about said it all for me. I had always considered healthy eating as a form of diet. I know what the word diet means to me so now I have to stop mentally associating dieting with healthy eating.
Dieting is a way of denying yourself and lord knows I don't like to be told I can't have something. So why would I practice self-torture for all these years? Truthfully the only 'weight loss program' that has truly been successful for me has been Weight Watchers. This program allows you to count points which means you can still choose to eat the sugary fatty foods but you won't be able to have much else and in the end you will still be hungry. So you are left to be accountable for your decisions and will ultimately pay the price in the form of hunger for selecting food that is bad for you.
The bad news is now I can't even follow Weight Watchers. I am finding it more and more difficult to lose the weight which means I really HAVE to stop eating the fat and the sweets or I will never succeed. I am my own worst enemy when it comes to sweets. If given the choice between a donut and a healthy balanced meal I would choose the donut.
Another issue I have is 'scale jumping'. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the term it refers to weighing yourself several times a day. This helps some people stay on track but for me - not so much. If the number shows any sort of gain I become discouraged and mentally start to abandon ship. If the number shows a loss - well that's permission to have a treat. 'Wow I have been so good I have lost 3 pounds! So this chocolate bar shouldn't make a difference - right?' Wrong! Oh so wrong!!!
I also have an issue with giving myself unreasonable goals. When I am laying out my game plan to lose weight I usually tell myself 'in x number of months I can lose all the weight no problem'. The problem is that I become discouraged if I don't lose exactly the weight I told myself I would lose in the specified timeframe and punish myself emotionally...
'You have no committment, You can't even stick to a diet' (see there's that word again)...blah...blah...blah.
...which in turn can and will lead to emotional eating. This in sabotages my weight loss goals and leaves me further behind than I started. Now I feel guilty about not losing the weight as quickly as I would have liked AND I fall off the wagon entirely.
Comparing myself to others is a big issue with me. Recently a friend lost 100 pounds in a year (yeah Trish)! I am extremely proud of my friend and think to myself 'if she can do it I can do it'. I need to stop thinking that way because I know this is just my way of setting up an excuse to fail at a later date. I need to understand that everyone's journey is different and yes, I too can lose the weight but my timeline might be different. If I don't change my way of thinking, in 6 months I will find myself punishing myself AGAIN for not being halfway to my goal.
So what I have I learned?
1. Don't use the word diet.
2. Don't let the number on the scale dictate failure or success.
3. Don't set unreasonable goals. I will lose the weight and I will not give up REGARDLESS of how long it takes.
4. Celebrate other's success but do not let it dictate your own. Even if we are on the same journey we don't always experience it in the same way.
5. Stop punishing yourself when you slip. Accept your mistake and move on. One jelly donut does not a dozen make...if you get my meaning.
6. Forgive yourself your edible indiscretions.
7. Love yourself even if you fail.
I know you are thinking 'You are having bypass surgery. Why does any of this matter?' My addiction to food will still be there after the surgery. My self-defeating attitude will still be there. My inner critic will still be there. Unless I deal with it now and recognize it when it is happening I could end up back where I started in 5 years. Loads of people gain the weight back after surgery because they still have these issues. So you could say I am planning ahead. I am determined to succeed with or without surgery. Whatever path I take will lead to my ultimate goal - to have a healthier attitude about food and to love myself inside first, because if I don't I will never love the outside no matter how small OR big it is.
I read this and it makes me sad to think that you still compare yourself to other ppl . The truth of the matter Yvonne, is that you are the only you this world will ever have. And that is it's own blessing. I can't imagine a world of everyone being just like you ...BORE - - ing!
ReplyDeleteBut just one person with your mind set, your individual style and Beauty...now that's a person I want in my life as a friend or whatever. You need to get over "not being like everyone else" and truly embrace your individuality. You are Beautiful, you are loved and dammit you are special. And if you don't believe me just ask those beautiful daughters of yours, they'll back me up!
The next step is don't think about yourself as being fat and therefore ugly. I remember coming to a strange new school in grade 5 and growing with you to graduation at BCI in 1989/90 and you were always such a formidable force and stoic presence. It was strong women like you, Nikki Mitchel and Tracey McCormick That helped me be comfortable with being me...though it would take me 30 years to realize it. Unfortunately my brain wasn't as big and full back then as it is now, nor did I have the understanding and experience of life to discern true worth...but I eventually figured it out.
So as I was saying, you don't need to lose weight to be beautiful, cuz you already are. And you don't need to lose weight to be accepted cuz if they can't see you for the wonderful driving force of life that you are now, they never will. If after all of that , if you want to lose weight to be healthy, then yes I encourage that.
My problem has always been, that I don't do anything with all of those carbs, proteins and fatty acids after I devour them. If only kinetic energy was good enough to lose weight. It means stepping up your game...literally. But don't force yourself to do an extra lap around the track. Instead do something that will inspire you to be more active, maybe hiking combined with nature photography, doing yoga and be able to stretch your body into all of the different positions in the Kama Sutra...trust me your husband or partner will appreciate this. But do it to be healthy.
But don't lose weight for me or anyone else! Because you are perfect just the way you are!!!!
Always your friend....♥ J
I think the biggest thing to take away from your 7 points above is "Love Yourself". Self love and acceptance is very important. Stop looking at the physical shell and focus more on the inner shell.. it's what's inside you (and I'm not talking about your actual innards, before you make some smart ass comment)that is important and it's what makes me happy to have you in my life :)
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