It's 7 AM and I am pouring a hot cup of tea at my kitchen counter. I love that smell. I love it even more when it is mingled with the scent of fresh morning air as it wafts through the window. It reminds of our family vacations when we would go to Restoule and stay in the cottage. I find it relaxing and intoxicating. It puts my mind at ease. It reminds me that I should wake up earlier more often.
I have some work to do in the office today. I also have a wooden sign to paint for a client. Between the two it is a nice mix of computer and hands on creativity which I love. It's not often I get an opportunity to paint. Recently a client of mine asked me to design a logo for his barbecue company as well as develop a wooden sign (with the help of my husband of course). I have finished the airbrushed fire effect on the letters and now I just have the finishing touches. I need to cover the edges of the letters in black paint so it's not too mentally challenging but I do have to concentrate. It allows me the opportunity for my mind to wonder elsewhere and consider other aspects of my life.
For some time now I have wanted to write a book. I am sure there are many people out there in the world who have considered this at one point or another but I just feel this is something I have to do. Actually I have already begun which is a huge step because procrastination is definitely my strong suit. My issue is balancing between what is real and what is imaginary. What I mean is this - Do I talk about my own life and experiences or do I embellish? I have ofter heard it said that you should write what you know but I would like what I write to also have an air of the unknown - you know?
Writing for me has also been a way to escape the every day. It's an opportunity to re-invent yourself. To become what you have always wanted to be. It is also an opportunity to express a bit of your true self. The one that exists inside your head that you may or may not share with everyone every day. You don't have to edit your thoughts for others. This is a chance to express your true feelings freely. But in doing so you also risk hurting those you love. For example, I can pretend that I am writing about some other woman who has a sister that is mean to her but MY sister will of course draw a parallel to herself and assume I am writing about her. Whether I am or not is irrelevant because the outcome will be the same. So now I feel compelled to say that I have a nice sister. But do I have to illustrate everyone in my story in the same light? If I did that would be one of the most flaccid books ever written. It would be like the movie Pleasantville without adding the coloured bits.
So now I am left considering how to proceed. Do I write for myself or do I write for others. Yes I would like people to enjoy my book. I want them to get lost in the characters, feel their pain and joy but I surely don't want to cause my loved ones any emotional discomfort while doing it.
I think I know what I am going to do. I just want you all to know that before I made my decision I did consider other people's feelings. I did not just charge ahead and write whatever I wanted to without any consideration for anyone but myself (yes I have been accused of this in the past). I am thinking of others when I am writing but I must also think about myself. This is my opportunity to express how I feel too - good and bad. So hopefully some of you will read my book when it is finished and derive some pleasure from reading it. Maybe even some pain but know this. If I hurt your feelings I apologize but this is just how I perceive life to be. Not how it actually is. Confused? Good - Me too.
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