Well it's official. I barely had any work to do yesterday. The nice part is my mum had generously given Kevin her car for the day, allowing me to use the van. So I was able to get a lot accomplished outside of the house that I would otherwise not have been able to do. Delaney and I went to the dentist. Afterward we got school supplies and then I got a pre-paid visa which will allow me to make business purchases online without worrying about 'owing' anyone later.
After we were done our running around I decided to drop by my mother's house to see if she needed anything or needed the car for anything. We sat outside on my mum's patio for about an hour talking and drinking tea. This is the first time since the summer began that I actually felt relaxed. Rhea turned to me and said "This is nice." That should have been the sign that told me what I was doing was okay but instead - I felt guilty.
I felt like I should be earning my keep. Contributing financially in some way. For whatever reason I feel it's necessary to always be working or I am not doing my bit. I know I am looking after my children but I still feel guilty that I am outside relaxing while my husband is working 10 hour days. It just seems wrong.
Despite how I feel about all of this down time my children are thrilled. They have made it quite clear to me that they enjoy it when I am not working and we have an opportunity to enjoy the reposeful time. When I told them I had stayed up last night to finish my work so I could be free all day today they actually cheered. To be truthful I was touched that they derive such joy from me just being there with them. They seem to be bored when left to their own devices. So instead today we are going to go for a bike ride to the park (an activity I have not enjoyed in 20 years). We are packing a lunch, I am bringing a book, Delaney is bringing her sketch pad and Rhea is bringing her climbing feet and then we are off.
Later I will have to check my email. I will have my iPhone with me so I won't miss calls (I still have to have my business sense about me and take calls). I will also be cleaning the house at some point - a chore that I loathe - but all in all I will attempt to relax and enjoy the time I have with my kids. After all, summer is only 2 more weeks and soon they will be back to school. And if I am going to live in the now I need to start right away which means by appreciating my children today. They grow so fast and before I know it Rhea will be too cool to go to the mall with me. Delaney will want to play at friend's houses more than at home and I will hardly see them.
So I have resolved to remind myself of these facts the next time I am feeling guilty about my leisure time because once it has passed I can never get it back and I will be filled with regret. Now that is a feeling that cannot be relieved but it can definitely be avoided.
Glad that you are spending this time wisely - with your children - the greatest invest and return, ever!
ReplyDeleteThere are many ways to contribute Yvonne. I sometimes have the same struggle, being a stay at home Mum and all but I continue to actively particpate as a Board Member for the Alberta Canadian Paraplegic Association - a Provincial Board; a National organization and am Chair for one of the busier committees, sit on another committee and have been approached to devise a committee from the ground up. Am I getting paid, no, but it has so many other intangible rewards that are far more beneficial, not to mention, it keeps the job prosepects open for me for when the children become school-aged. Have yu considered joining a Board, whose mission would give you additional meaning in your life? Or what about volunteering once a week somewhere?Are you planning to pursue anything else once the girls do return to school? Even if you do not Yvonne, you have worked hard forso many years now - take advantage of this reprieve and reconnect with yourself - sounds as though you already, which is wonderful!
Keep in touch,
Love Lisa
xoxoxox
Hi Lisa,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your support. It has always been very much appreciated. i had always volunteered quite a bit when Rhea was young but I have not had the time for Delaney. Now I can spend more time volunteering. I was also on parent council last year and this year I plan to run for president. i was also approached to start a Home and School Association for fundraising which I can now do as well. There are so many activities that are lacking in my girl's school that I want to be more actively involved in starting and developing those activities. Now I will be able to do that.
I am still working at motion graphics but I am thinking I will concentrate on more local businesses which won't pay as much but will have a larger impact than the same time spent on larger national and international businesses. I am also reading a writing as well as doing some design work. I want to do more with my art background although I may not make much money. There was a summer art program at Glenhyrst Gallery that was looking for an instructor this summer. I am going to look into maybe teaching some night classes and summer programs for kids.
All in all I am pretty excited to get started. It's just difficult to start something new while I have the kids on my own for 10 hours a day. I will definitely be exploring more in 2 weeks when they return to school.
Take care of yourself and the family!
Love Yvonne